Divorce Is Serious Business, Part I

If you are having problems in your marriage,and if you think that giving up and abandoning the relationship will be your instant salvation, guess again. It is easier to repair what is broken than to replace a precious commodity.

During such a turbulent time, when one is seriously entertaining thoughts of divorce, emotions are very high. Great caution is required because you need to make certain that you are not acting on impulse or by pure emotion. Take time to step back from the turmoil and see the situation from the perspective of an unbiased third party, as well as from the viewpoint of God. Now is a good time to think of the familiar saying, "What would Jesus do?" It is extremely important to consider your marriage in a rational and practical light, pondering such realities as:

How will this affect the children?
How much time do we already have invested?
Do I still love this man/woman?
Would I feel a loss if he/she was not in my life?
Do his/her good points outweigh the one or two issues that are dividing us?
Is the issue serious enough to consider divorce, or do I need to readjust my priorities?

This may surprise you, but there are people who feel dissatisfaction in their marriage because they are bothered by their spouse’s physical appearance, they are sexually discontent, the couple may be constantly arguing over finances, or communication may be greatly lacking. Such issues may be irritations, but they are not legitimate reasons for divorce. With a little care, and perhaps even some professional outside intervention from a financial planner, therapist or marriage counselor, you will be better able to understand the reason for these irritations, and how to overcome them in a way that is mutually agreeable to both husband and wife.

Whatever the roadblock may be that is causing you or your spouse to consider the legal proceedings of divorce, your goal should be to lift the blocks out of the way so that truth may be uncovered. For example, if you are fed up with your husband’s overly possessive and demanding ways, professional counseling could reveal the source of this negative behavior, and rather than chucking your marriage out the window, you both can work on understanding and resolving this particular unacceptable behavior. For all this wife knows, her husband could have come from an impoverished family where they not only had very little, but his father abandoned him and his mother. The trauma he endured as a child may still be affecting him today, but in a more subtle shape and form. Petty jealousy and possessiveness could be signs of repressed fear of losing his own family.

In case you haven’t noticed, I am a huge proponent of good professional counseling. If it doesn’t work for you, you have lost nothing, but if it works to heal a wounded marriage, you have gained everything! I’d much rather see couples spend a few hundred dollars on marriage counseling than extravagant legal fees for divorce proceedings, child support and alimony, and years of therapy for children who have been traumatically affected by the potential after-effects of divorce. I have spoken with many people who regret their decision to divorce, and wish they both would have tried harder to make marriage work. Many of these same couples are now experiencing difficulties in marriage number two or three!

No marriage is perfect because no human is perfect. If we leap into marriage expecting constant Nirvana, we are only setting ourselves up for disappointment. The reality is, successful marriages practice the art of compromise and care.

Won't you make your change today?

If you're interested, there is more information about:
The most important event of all time and
The most important Book of all time.

email this message to a friend   |   DW Home

Contributed by Melanie Schurr (Copyright (c)2003 Melanie Schurr) Melanie Schurr is author of "Ecstatic Living Ecstatic Loving: How to have more peace and joy in marriage, and life in general by walking in harmony with God," and "Son Salutations: A refreshing collection of modern inspirations for those who seek God each day." For more information, visit her web page at www.angelfire.com/mi/melschurr