New Year: There Ought To Be Another Way

There ought to be another way to get older people to stop driving if they no longer can handle it- other than making the children decide when their parents shouldn't drive and taking the keys away. What if we allowed parents of teenagers, at the other end of the age spectrum, to individually decide when their children were old enough to drive? That would be ludicrous, but in most local governments, that's how "stopping driving" is handled.

While on the subject of driving, there ought to be another way to happily bring in the New Year, other than getting drunk and then trying to drive home. And while I'm on the topic of drinking, what if it became as socially frowned upon as smoking?

And speaking of grocery stores and parking lots, there ought to be a special place in you-know-where reserved for those who don't return their grocery carts to a grocery cart rack/holder. The job of those persons should be collecting stray grocery carts forever and ever.

"The modern stroller," quipped my daughter's friend, Monica, "is the equivalent of a SUV." There ought to be another way to take a baby to the mall without the complete nursery under the canopy. The parents who drive these mini-SUV strollers seem absolutely oblivious to how much space they take up in cramped places like subways or buses. Whatever happened to just holding a baby? (I'll probably change my tune when and if I ever get the chance to be a grandmother.)

Speaking of grandmothering, there ought to be another way to get through the teenage and young adult years without your parents first yelling at you that there had better not be a baby before marriage, and then, when you hit 23 or 24, your parents continually hinting that the biological clock is ticking and that you should really be settling down and starting a family. These are the same parents that 6 years ago were worried about an early baby?

There ought to be another way to tell jokes without them being about someone from West Virginia, Poland, or Iraq.

There ought to be another way to have a long life without going through old age.

There ought to be another way to entertain ourselves without constantly watching people be shot, maimed, hit, dragged, and otherwise knocked around. Or worse, shooting people ourselves through video or computer games.

There ought to be another way to really and truly appreciate good health without first getting sick.

There ought to be another way to set the clock in the car without having a computer science degree.

There ought to be another way to get to adulthood without going through puberty.

There ought to be another way to find out how wonderful the gift of sleep is without going through the experience of having an infant.

There ought to be another way for your children to find out that you can be forgetful other than leaving your pillows at your grown daughter's house, or your keys in her car.

There ought to be another way to make New Year's resolutions than making ones that you know you'll never keep.

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Contributed by Melodie Davis from her weekly columnANOTHER WAY (http://www.thirdway.com/aw/).For information on using Another Way in a local newspaper, contact:ANOTHER WAY, 1251 Virginia Ave., Harrisonburg, VA 22801-2497; or call1-800-999-3534; fax at 540-434-5556; or email me at:Melodie@mennomedia.org