Is Adult Abstinence Unrealistic?

I can appreciate trying to get more support for abstinence among teenagers. But I would like to tackle (putting religious convictions aside for the moment) is it unrealistic, unhealthy or unwise to encourage sexual abstinence until marriage?

Is abstinence unrealistic? If sex is nothing more than a basic human need or animalistic activity, then, sure, get that need satisfied. Feed the hunger. Why wait six years when I'm hungry now? Or, if you don't quite reduce sex to that level, and you think of sex as just an enjoyable activity between two adults who care about each other, then what is the harm?

But isn't sex meant to be something much more? Sex is communication and love expressed at the deepest levels. Sex can be just a physical activity between bodies creating pleasurable sensations, or it can be a deep bonding of mind, body and soul. Which do you want? If you want the second kind, then it means waiting for a committed love relationship as in marriage. Do you want a "here today maybe gone tomorrow" kind of relationship, or a "I love you warts, cellulite and all, and I'll be here for you through sickness and health, holding you and caring for you" relationship? If that sounds too old and too mature and that no way are you ready for that kind of relationship, that's fine. I think that would also suggest you're not ready either for mature sex, no matter what your age. Please note that mature sex is not a synonym for boring.

Sex as a recreational activity is just that: recreation. But sex has a way of hooking up the other parts of your psyche so that unless you've so de-sensitized your senses to be dull to them, most human beings want something more out of a relationship. You want unconditional love, acceptance, camaraderie, joy. Maybe that can happen in a casual relationship, but I doubt those emotions are long lasting if a person is inclined to go from one six-month relationship to the next. And the problem with once you start having sex in a very special, six-month relationship, the next time it is easier to naturally include sex as part of ever shorter relationships, till it seems like it is just a customary part of a big date as seen on TV and the movies.

Is abstinence unhealthy? It should go without saying that having sex anytime it feels right can either be pretty complicated (getting out condoms or whatever) and dangerous. Bringing a clean body that is free of all sexual diseases into marriage with a partner who has also reserved himself for you is liberation and delicious freedom.

Finally, is abstinence unwise or not smart? What happens to future marriage plans and happiness when one has been accustomed to casual sexual relationships with multiple partners? Well, maybe some think it is easy to leave the idea of having multiple consecutive partners behind you, but it seems like it would be all too easy to rationalize enjoying a variety of partners.

Obviously I've constructed my arguments to support my thesis and someone who disagrees could probably find holes in my arguments, just as I felt there were holes in Mr. Harvey's arguments. I'm old and out of date, but I'm encouraged when I hear of younger people who live healthy fulfilled lives, even for many years, without sex. Love, not sex, makes the world go 'round.

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Contributed by Melodie Davis from her weekly columnANOTHER WAY (http://www.thirdway.com/aw/).For information on using Another Way in a local newspaper, contact:ANOTHER WAY, 1251 Virginia Ave., Harrisonburg, VA 22801-2497; or call1-800-999-3534; fax at 540-434-5556; or email me at:Melodie@mennomedia.org