Surviving Pre-holiday Busyness as a Family

Seriously, I am on the run even more than usual (well, I've been sayingthis for 25 years I suppose) but somehow things usually manage to cometogether, even if I have to cut corners sometimes. Somehow it helps tokeep perspective when we realize how few years our children are at homein this busy stage of life.

We can catch TV shows in re-runs, but no one I know has ever been ableto do a re-run of their child's life. Or even an instant replay. You cancapture your kids' football games, recitals, and basketball games onvideo-a good option when you absolutely positively can't be there-but noone has ever been able to come up with a good substitute for a beamingparents' face shining at a child from the audience. My oldest daughterused to say her favorite part of programs or recitals was coming outafterwards and being greeted by proud parents.

However, all of those ballgames, programs and recitals can sometimes addup to too much of a good thing. A married couple, BarbaraDeGrote-Sorensen and David Allen Sorensen, have written a helpful book,Escaping The Family Time Trap: A Practical Guide For Over-Busy Families(Augsburg, 2001).

The Sorensens had run their family computer for about three years andstarted getting a handful of recurring troubles.They were urged to get software that woulddiagnose their computer's problems.

The "Disk Doctor" took a long time going through the computer andreading the degree of damage that had occurred on their hard drive.Finally it announced its verdict: "severe fragmentation."

They thought this was fitting not only for their computer but a goodanalogy for many of our families today. All in the name of good,educational involvements, somewhere along the line we end upover-scheduled, burned out, and without joy. The "cure" for severefragmentation is slowing down and pausing to reconnect.

The author of another book, Mommy-CEO (Martin-Ola Press) remindsparents, "Don't forget the little things that help us keep priorities inline." Author Jodie Lynn urges parents to stop, look and listen, as in,when your children talk to you, stop what you are doing, look at them,and really listen. Listen between the lines, for what they don't say, too. You can miss subtle clues if you keep right on stirring the soup,or don't look up from the paper or TV. In these days of multitasking,it's a real temptation to keep typing on the computer while carrying ona conversation with your child or spouse. While some people may notmind, it usually makes people-especially children-feel good when you paythem your full attention.

On a recent trip home from college, my daughter's schedule for thatweekend didn't mesh at all with my husband's. Both of them had thingsthey had to do, places to go. For starters, my husband had to work thatSaturday.

But I was glad for one custom that had started long ago, that was astrong enough family tradition that it even made a college student wantto get up early on a Sunday morning. Back before we ever had children,Sunday breakfast was our big breakfast of the week, complete with baconor sausage, eggs, toast, justice, and fresh homemade sweet rolls(quickly made out of canned biscuits). So for that weekend, getting upto have breakfast together was a strong enough family pull that she didit, without whimpering. It was our time to connect.

Having a few family rituals and traditions create family connectionsthat you want to continue. The Sorensens emphasize little ways to makean effort to connect: for instance, deliberately slow down yourinteractions: slow down driving, slow down your speech, answer the phonedeliberately and cheerily.

Now, as soon as I finish this column, I'm slowing down.

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Contributed by Melodie Davis from her weekly columnANOTHER WAY (http://www.thirdway.com/aw/).For information on using Another Way in a local newspaper, contact:ANOTHER WAY, 1251 Virginia Ave., Harrisonburg, VA 22801-2497; or call1-800-999-3534; fax at 540-434-5556; or email me at:Melodie@mennomedia.org